My last blog was about positive attitude, and I can still feel the love vibrations all throughout my every day life. I'll admit that Friday, while driving home, I had a moment of sheer panic where I let money (for all of ten minutes) rule my life and nearly ruin my positive mind and outlook. But I realized that money, while it's important, isn't all it's cracked up to be, and that I was making mountains out of mole-hills for reasons unknown to me!
This weekend, I turned over a new leaf, if only in my mind. I decided that right along with my outlook, several things were going to change. Now, if you've been reading or have read my blog at all, you know that somewhere along the line I've attempted to better my health, spirit, and overall well-being. Keyword being
attempted. Sunday, something clicked in my mind, and for once, I know exactly what it was that initiated that "click".
Growing up, I used to visit Minnesota
every summer for at LEAST two months. After my parents divorced and my father moved to Las Vegas, I ended up seeing more of his parents than of my own father (that's a completely different entry, for a completely different time!). The entirety of my father's (still living) family lives in or around Minnesota. I spent every summer I can remember there since I was two (yes, that's right. I was two years old the first time I hopped on a plane as an unaccompanied minor and flew across the country! haha). And every summer since I was about 8, I went to horse camp. Now that may sound silly, but to me it's not. I'm sure like many little girls I had a complete and insatiable love and curiosity for horses. When my grandfather realized this, he made it his mission to get me on a horse. The result: a month and a half long stay at (
gasp) sleep-away horse camp! I'll admit, the first day, I was terrified. I stood at the end of their driveway, with a suitcase in my hand (very lightly packed for a female, and eventually me in my later years, I would realize in my teens, haha) shifting from side to side, constantly tugging at my sleeves, worried about sleeping away from anyone and anything I knew. I was eight, and there was no such thing as cell phones in my mind, and I was just plain scared shitless.
The bus pulled up, and a very friendly lady opened the door, hopped out, grabbed my bag, and my hand, and led me onto the bus. Everyone on that bus, and I mean
everyone said "Hi!", and we were all instant friends. The second I laid eyes on Scout (my first horse; the "beginners" horse), all my fears and worries vanished. My first time on a horse, ever, felt like home. I was free, I was
tall (Hey! I'm 5'2", let me have my moments!), and I was obsessed. At the end of the camp, I got two awards. One for being "Most Improved" and another for being "Most Enjoyable". Sadly, the awards are in my attic somewhere, but they still mean so much to me.
Every summer after that, I begged to go to horse camp, and my grandparents sent me off, with the biggest smile on my face. The second year, I got moved up to the "advanced" level horse, who was taller than Scout, a lot faster, and slightly more irritable, meaning she was only slightly less inclined to listen to you. Again I got an award, that year for "Best Rider: Advanced Group", and while I was thrilled, I wanted the "Best Overall Rider" award. I talked to the owner of the camp, who was also head counselor, before I left, and asked where I stood as far as my riding ability went, and if I would be able to bump up a level (to the "expert" horse) when I returned next year. She informed me that we would see, patted me on my 9 year old head and said goodbye.
The next summer, I returned, and as soon as I walked into the stalls, Susan (the owner) handed me the reins to the biggest, fastest, most advanced, and well...nastiest horse at the camp: Monster (what a name, huh?!). She said that she talked to all of the instructors and from watching me, knew I was ready. My first ten minutes on Monster, she bucked me off. I fell on my ass, and got right back on, with a smile on my face. I was thrilled by the entire experience. She was hard to handle, which presented the challenge I wanted, she was rough, which gave me something to try and achieve (learning to control the horse and adjust to the difference in the ride), and she was (in my mind) the best horse at the camp. I got bucked off 6 more times before the month and a half long camp was over. No serious injuries (after you fall off of a horse so many times, you learn
how to fall), just some bruises. But by the end of the summer, Monster was like putty in my hands. I got on her, and she was sweet and tame and listened to every command I gave her. If I barely moved the reins to the right, she went to the right, no fight at all. It was probably all the treats I gave her, but at the time I thought myself to be a God among horse riders.
Sadly, that was my last year on a horse. After that summer, my father got married, moved to Minnesota, and as terrible as this sounds, began stealing all my time away with my grandparents. I rarely saw them once he moved there. Then I slowly stopped going. I was growing up and I had school and jobs to worry about.
My first "real" job was at a horse farm. It was less than two miles from where I live, and I loved it. I helped feed the horses, clean their stalls (not glamorous, but I loved it still), and when the time came, helped train horses for the shows, and even helped raise newborns. Two years later when I was forced to leave, let's just say I wasn't a happy camper. At 17, that was the last
I had ever seen of horses, at least up close.
So back to my original point: Sunday, after a movie with my family (10,000 BC, to be precise), my step dad invites me to go to a friend's house. I was hesitant. "The man has horses." "I'll go!"
I went, and I got there, and the second I saw the horse, I was antsy to get on. When I did, they had a hard time prying me out of the saddle. I can't explain the way I feel on a horse, and honestly, I don't even want to try. For me it's so deeply emotional and private, that I don't
want to try and explain that to anyone. Selfish? Probably, but do I care? Honestly, no.
On that horse, I had a moment of clarity. I knew what I wanted out of my present-day life, my body, my health, and how I was going to take action. It all fell into place, and I knew it right when it hit me.
I know it's not much, and it hardly counts as a routine, but last night I did Yoga before going to bed. Then I woke up, did yoga again, went for a run (1.57 miles, Michelle! In less time than it took me to do 1.53. Not by much, but it was enough for me to feel awesome!), then I took a shower and went about my day. Today, I got home from class, ate, and then did Yoga with my little sister. Already, after ending only two nights with it, and beginning one, I already feel happier, more positive, healthier, and well...amazing! I'm not going to "hope" or "will" myself to keep this up. I don't have to. I feel wonderful doing it, and I feel compelled to maintain this positivity. I'm not making changes in my life by leaps and bounds by any means, but to me, it feels like a hugely significant change already has taken place.
And right now, I must say, keeping it up is no problem!
Now to digress slightly and participate in what
Michelle tagged me in, here are five things about me that you didn't already know!
1. My grandmother is my hero. She has been through so much in her life, yet she is still the most upbeat and positive person I know. Her father passed when she was young from stomach cancer, then her husband left her while she was giving birth to their first child to attend a Christmas party. After baby number two, he divorced her for a younger woman. She was then diagnosed with breast cancer (which, among other things, isn't convenient for a young woman living alone, raising two boys by herself). She met Bill and he became her second husband. Her youngest sister (whom she often refers to as her "baby Colleen") was diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor, and died less than two months after the diagnosis. She was again diagnosed with cancer, this time in her stomach. She overcame that, bought a beautiful home in Wisconsin, was then diagnosed with melanoma, and had to have almost all of her nose and upper lip removed. She overcame that, had facial reconstructive surgery, and less than three months later found out that her loving husband Bill had Alzheimer's. After several years, he lost his battle with the disease, in his sleep. Shortly before Bill passed, her youngest son Randy (my uncle) was diagnosed with an unknown, incurable cancer. After more than five years or fighting the good fight, Randy lost his battle, with it, my grandmother lost her youngest son, one half of her offspring. She has since moved to Arizona, met a new man (Al), and lives, laughs, and loves everyday as if she couldn't be happier with the hand she was dealt from God. She proudly announces that she kisses her dog on the lips, will be the first woman in a crowd to show you that she has no left breast, and will dance and sing with you, completely sober, in the middle of the street with no music for miles around (I'm making her sound like a crazy person, aren't I?! Haha). I've only seen her cry one time in my life, the night her son was buried, and even in that moment, her true strength and love for life shown through to me. She is my best friend, and we've been through so much in my lifetime together. If I can become even a FRACTION of the woman she is, my life will be more than I want it to be.
2. I am married. At 20. To a Marine. And I couldn't be happier about it. My husband and I have spent just over three years together (high school sweethearts, I suppose), and I can't recall a time in my life when I was happier. He lights up my days, weeks, months...my life. Even from states away. Being apart from him is the worst. It's not easy, it's not fun, but it's what we've got, and that's why I love it.
3. I name absolutely everything I own. Seriously, my laptop has a name (Alfred..the Apple..get it?), my iPods (all of them), cell phone, car, running shoes, television, toothbrush,
ever-y-thing. I don't know why, but I do it. It makes me happy and I like to address things by their names. My car isn't referred to in any conversation as "my car" or "my Pt Cruiser". It's Charlie. His own (seemingly) living, breathing, existing entity. That's just what I do.
4. I am absolutely, undeniably, and completely petrified of birds. I nearly had a nervous breakdown when my parents went out of town and left me in charge of my sister's bird. I had to feed it and change it's water (I love how I refer to the bird as an "it", yet my objects have names and are referred to as if they were alive, LOL). Terrifying day for me. It took me nearly two hours just to build up the courage to reach my arm into the cage, which I had wrapped with three of our thickest towels. Then it took me another two just to be able to KEEP my hand in the cage and grab the damn water! I hate birds. They scare the crap out of me. The end.
5. I play the violin. I started playing in elementary school and kept it up until my first year of college. Only recently have I pulled it back out again, tuned the strings that were aching to be played, and just sat in my room for hours playing until my heart was content. I missed it and I'm glad I finally pulled it back out again. It brings me a feeling a peace that I feel I can't get anywhere else, and I'm okay with that. I welcome it.
I'm passing this on to five people so they can share more about themselves with all of us! Here are the rules: Link to your tagger and post these rules. Share 5 facts about yourself. Tag 5 people at the end of your post and list their names (linking to them). Let them know they've been tagged by leaving a comment at their blogs. Here's my list...
1.
AG [100 Days in Bed]2.
Debbie Does Raw3.
Natalia Complacently Replacing...4.
Nicole Powered By Vegetablesanddd...even though I know she won't be able to do it for a while, I still want to hear what she has to say:
5.
DeeI hope this entry was long enough for you all! Haha. Have a wonderful day! I adore you all.
