Moments

There are moments in everyone's life where you come across something, anything, a movie, lyric, poem, person, song, book, picture, ANYTHING, and it changes you. And sometimes you see something and it doesn't phase you. You hardly think twice about it. I suppose you have to be in a particular place in your life at that moment. But when you're in that place and the right thing comes along and your world is drastically different.

I am a firm believer that those moments make us who we are. They build us up when we're low. They give us faith when we have none. They make us smile through never-ending tears. They give us a whole new perspective on life and open our eyes to a completely new layer of life.
It's no big secret that of late I have not been the happiest of people. Things went from wonderful to devastatingly terrible within minutes. I've felt low in my life. I've been beaten, kicked and spit on when I'm down, and laughed at after it all, but I must say I don't think I've ever felt so alone. It's not so much a question of being with someone. Or having the friends who remain a phone call away to support you. But if you've never felt it, then the feeling can't be described. The one quote that comes to mind is "I feel like I'm standing in the middle of a crowded room, screaming at the top of my lungs, and no one even looks up."

I have experienced not one, not two, but three of these "moments". Again, perhaps I was vulnerable, my emotions were in pieces and I literally felt lost, but I like the think the timing was absolutely spot on. I was watching a video on YouTube (nothing worth mentioning, since I myself do not even remember what it was) and after that video I decided to just click on a series of links and see if I could find anything interesting. Well I ended up seeing a series of links to view the first interview with Terri Irwin (the late Steve Irwin's widow).

Now I wasn't a huge fan of Steve Irwin. I was saddened by his death in the sense of being shocked and knowing that while his death will not really affect me (I didn't watch the show he starred in, nor as I said was I a huge fan), but that he was a good man and he would truly be missed. I didn't think much about it passed "Oh, how sad!". So honestly out of boredom I decided to watch the videos not really expecting much.

Within the first five minutes I was already crying. The love that Terri had and still has for her husband struck me. The sheer strength of this woman blows me away. I felt it as I was watching it that something in me was changing. She amazes me. Her philosophy on life can be summed up by one thing that was said during her interview: the reporter asked her if she thinks she appreciated her life with Steve and response, without hesitation was: "YES! Absolutely. I was thankful everyday. I knew I was living a fairy tale. And I was able to take it all in. I knew it while I lived it."

That last statement struck me. Do you know what you have WHILE you have it? I know I didn't. The strength not only of Terri, but her daughter Bindi amazes me. For Bindi to be able to stand in front of everyone and read about her father being her hero is breathtaking. And don't try to rationalize and say she doesn't understand the depth of the situation, trust me. She does.

I can't really explain or describe how powerful the entire thing was. For those of you interested here are the links (the interview is separated into several parts):
Part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96VAO_cbF_U
Part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5p5mkjD9yDE
Part 3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m99Zyl5WD9s
Part 4: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBYxpHFa_N0
Part 5: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U1KyWPKozXA
Part 6: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRmSr3wSW9o
Part 7: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCmasrYwosk

The second moment was while watching the new movie Babel. If you have the time, Babel is a MUST SEE. But you must open your mind, open your heart, and actually TAKE in the message that is trying to put across. There were people in the theater that were laughing during crucial parts of the story, and it was very clear to me that their intellect and intelligence and depth was minimal, if at all existent. I don't know what to say about Babel because it can't be described. It truly CHANGED my life. The subject matter is weighty...heavy. But in a good way. There's no way for me to describe it. You must see the movie.


The third moment is far more personal and I will not go into much detail. I wrote something written by a good friend of mine about the loss of her grandfather this past February. I, having lost a grandparent last January, really felt what she was saying and it really got to me. I told her I understood and I felt what she felt and that I was there for her if she ever needed me. Less than a minute later I get a phone call: my own grandmother passed away this morning. A severe case of irony and a cutting life lesson. It's a very difficult thing to discuss, so there is nothing more to say.

I myself have said to others "Life life to the fullest", "Don't take anything for granted", and all the things of that sort. I would love to admit that I practiced what I preached on this issue, but that is simply not the case.
After this series of events I FEEL a change in my life. I know now that I don't have to try and convince myself to let things go and to live like no one was watching. I can feel it.

Think about your life. Think about your decisions. Think about those you love. Think about the things you say. Think about the things you fight about (most of them are not worth it). Think about yourself. And think about others. Just think.



In loving memory of Jackie Justesen. Rest in Peace. I love and miss you.